First things first: “The decision to split the bill should happen before you sit down for dinner,” says Toni Dupree, an etiquette coach with Etiquette & Style by Dupre in Houston. “Not when the wait staff brings the check.” “If, and only if, everyone agreed to split the bill before the meals are ordered, then it is OK to evenly divide that check when the bill arrives,” confirms Karene Putney, CEO of Etiquette Etiquette. “Friends should be comfortable enough to have an upfront conversation and just put everything on the table in advance without worrying about it,” says Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert with The Protocol School of Texas in San Antonio. “Most people feel the same way and are waiting for the first person to speak up,” she explains. Gottsman adds that good friends should be able to feel “emotionally safe” to broach uncomfortable topics such as their personal finances. “After the conversation, there will be an understanding, and everything will fall into place,” she says. “The friends would split the check evenly and pick up the birthday honoree,” she says. This is one case where even if one person orders more than the others, you still split the check evenly down the middle–and tack on the honoree’s portion equally, too. “At the end of the meal, you can just contribute what you have calculated that you owe,” affirms Gottsman. “The key is to speak up so you don’t feel taken advantage of.” There are always people who just want to split the bill down the middle. For some, that works, and for others, it’s an annoyance. If you suspect someone in your group is in the first category, sidestep conflict by establishing your preference early. “You can say to the group, ‘I’m going to grab my own check’ so they know you’re not going to be part of the final split.” Ultimately, be communicative. If you walk away confused or irritated that the bill was not split to your liking, Gottsman says it’s your responsibility to respectfully and kindly correct the situation the next time around.
