Today, it’s often used by people to help with their personal and professional development and is referred to as Modern Stoicism. While you might not be familiar with the names of the best-known pioneering Stoics like Marcus Aurelius or Epictetus, you probably know many of today’s practitioners who study and apply Stoic philosophies: people like Bill Clinton, Tom Brady, Lupe Fiasco, and Jack Dorsey, along with historical figures like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson. It stands to reason that a school of philosophy that can hold as much appeal for former presidents as it can for a tech executive, rapper, and athlete potentially has something to offer all of us. Here are five lessons and principles we can learn from Stoicism, and how to incorporate them into our own lives for a better outlook, more emotional control, and less stress. “When you get good at defining what’s an ’external factor’ that’s out of your sphere of control, you don’t waste as much energy trying to fight what’s unfair, and life feels markedly less stressful,” says Meg Gitlin, LCSW, a psychotherapist in New York. Getting really clear on what falls into this category is life-changing. “For example, during the pandemic, maybe you’ve felt frustrated and angry when your child has had to ‘attend’ school remotely. It may totally derail your own productivity, mess up their schedule, and lead to a bunch of unpleasant or unforeseen situations. However, regardless of how unfair and inconvenient it has felt at times, there is really nothing anyone could do to change the reality.” She goes on to underline that any efforts to do so likely leads to more frustration and the feeling you get when the wheels are spinning. “Stoics believe that once you accept that life is going to be hard and frustrating, you can lead a more balanced life that allows us to recognize both strengths and limitations.” RELATED: How to Deal With Uncertainty, According to a Psychologist “For example, if you know that you grew up with limited parents who were unable to be there for you emotionally, you may logically realize that you’ll need additional layers of support when the time comes for you to be a parent yourself,” Gitlin says. “Perhaps this means you read more or seek out professional guidance to support you as you create attachments with your child, or maybe it means believing in your own intuition when it comes to parenting. By accepting that you cannot change your own childhood, you also are defining what you can and would like to change—which is your relationship with your own child and ability to form a healthy and secure attachment with them.” The idea with this tactic, according to Gitlin, is that when you recognize the things you can change and are strategic in how you do it, it’s more likely you’ll feel satisfied and less stressed overall. This makes sense in theory, but can be tough to put into practice. How often have you been given many compliments along with one criticism, and all you can do is focus on that one criticism? Not allowing one side to overshadow the other is an important practice for healthy human development. “When something is solely good, you risk shattering your carefully constructed sense of self when you are criticized or fall short. When something is only ‘bad’ you risk missing out on parts of life and may feel less inspired or confident to pursue change or worthy goals,” says Gitlin. How do we challenge these thoughts? Gitlin suggests reframing and asking questions like, “How true is this from zero to one hundred?” or “What would I tell a good friend if they told me this?” The idea is to look for faults in your own argument. “Once you treat the thought (e.g., ‘I’m not good enough’) as a question, as opposed to a truth, it often becomes clear that they’re founded in emotion, and not logic.” Gitlin also notes that the act of writing things down fosters a connection with our inner voice and can help us clarify what we really want in life. “This kind of intentional living aligns us with our values which promotes inner happiness.” RELATED: How to Start Meditating at Home for a Quieter Mind
